Monday, August 3, 2009

Life changes can be crazy

That instant is the instant every father will remember the rest of their lives, when you first see your child pass from status of "fetus" to status of "live human." It's an amazing moment that is so big and drastic, it will probably take me years to realize just how deep that crater of impact runs.

Moments like those are such a rarity in life, you would think we would appreciate them more.  I had my total focus on the moment.  I was completely in it and enjoying every second of it.  Yet, some of it seems to be fading from memory.  I don't know if I truly appreciated and soaked in every second of it.  I'm logically and rationally sure I did, but emotionally I feel like it's slipping.

What would make it easier would be if I could put things into words.  Language has many strengths, but it can be very limiting still.  That moment of seeing his head starting to pop out was so mind blowing.  It's like being hit with a sledge hammer over the head, but it does hurt, it just breaks down your old self and reveals a greater purpose for yourself.  You feel true meaning in your life, and now really understand what responsibility really is.  And the joy, you really feel blissful joy.  I've had plenty of really happy times in my life, my wedding my graduation etc., but nothing even approaches just the flood of joy you feel when you meet your child for the first time.  I'm not a big religious person, but that moment you know God.  

And the bond you feel with your wife...  wow.  It's all the same you feel toward your child.  Plus you throw in a touch of concern and sympathy due to the pain of giving birth.  It's an amazing thing that she did and she did it great.  Our boy is perfect, largely because of all her efforts.  I could never love her more or be more proud of her.

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