Working late

So as the breadwinner, I'm often left with the difficult decisions of working late or going home to see my boys.  In a bubble, it seems like a pretty easy choice.  I'd do anything to see my boys, but I also would do anything to make sure they have what they need and will have what they need in the future.

That's why this choice is not easy.  I'm not independently wealthy, so in order to make sure my family has what they need I need to spend time away from them, doing things that cause me great stress.  Yes, I do enjoy what I do for a living, but it pales in comparison to my boys and wife. 

I miss putting my oldest to bed.  Reading to my youngest.  Watching TV with my wife, which I can usually still do when I work late, but not tonight.  It's going to be insanely late tonight thanks to upgrading Call Manager...

So it's sometimes sad to think about all the growing up that I miss by being at work.  I know I get plenty and probably don't even appreciate all that I do get, but I can't help but want more.

Catching up

Ok, so I've learned that being a father is quite time consuming, leaving little to no time to myself.  So to catch people up, I'm now a two time father of boys.  They are 16 months and 3.5 years old, and amazing.  Their mother and I love every second we have with them and value our time without them as well.

So, what have I learned since my last update?  Well, I'm sure it's plenty, but what have I forgotten since then?  Just as much if not more.  So I love being a father, and I enjoy writing quite a bit, so I'm going to make an attempt to do this on a more regular basis, perhaps twice a week and then when the whimsy strikes me.

Teething isn't fun for anyone

So I'm sitting here this morning and instead of killing time by surfing the web, I thought I would actually post something.  So the young lad has been going through teething, already with 4 teeth and getting a 5th and soon to be 6th and I gotta say, there's definitely a reason we don't remember that.  It could either be on purpose, or it could be the brain's self defense thing where it forgets a traumatic experience.

Either way, he's not really enjoying the experience all that much, and consequently, neither am I and his mother.  He's not a screamer at all, but he does wake up about every hour at night, which is no fun for me since I'm the one that gets up with him.

On the other hand, he's going through first accomplishments left and right.  He's crawling now, he says Dada, he claps and high fives...  it's like he's a whole person!  It's truly amazing watching him develop and form who he is.  Parenthood is definitely the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done.  Also the most exhausting.  I don't know when the last time I got 8 hours of sleep in.

That time keeps a slippin'

So the time has flown by.  My son is almost 20 lbs., he has 3 teeth and a 4th, 5th, and 6th coming in quick.  He's almost 9 months old.  He crawls.  He says dadadada.  He does all kinds of things that amaze me every day.  Being a dad is the hardest, most grueling thing I can imagine doing.  But it is so easy to do all those things for him.

I need to really make myself write in here more often.  I do enjoy doing it, and I enjoy reading the older posts, it's just so hard to find the time.  I vow to make a post in the next few days that break things down a little bit and help me remember some things.

Time off of work is great

So my work is pretty cool.  I get 2 weeks of paternity leave when my wife has a child.  I also saved up 12 vacation days and have used it all at once.  I've been home for 3 weeks now, with another week and a half to go.

All I can say is that is a great decision I've made.  I've had all the time to bond with my boy.  It's been amazing.  I have sadly started to drift off into thoughts of work.  I love spending time with him, but work is a large part of my life.  I feel bad that I think of work while I'm with him.  He and my wife are my life, or really probably like 99% of my life.

Life changes can be crazy

That instant is the instant every father will remember the rest of their lives, when you first see your child pass from status of "fetus" to status of "live human." It's an amazing moment that is so big and drastic, it will probably take me years to realize just how deep that crater of impact runs.

Moments like those are such a rarity in life, you would think we would appreciate them more.  I had my total focus on the moment.  I was completely in it and enjoying every second of it.  Yet, some of it seems to be fading from memory.  I don't know if I truly appreciated and soaked in every second of it.  I'm logically and rationally sure I did, but emotionally I feel like it's slipping.

What would make it easier would be if I could put things into words.  Language has many strengths, but it can be very limiting still.  That moment of seeing his head starting to pop out was so mind blowing.  It's like being hit with a sledge hammer over the head, but it does hurt, it just breaks down your old self and reveals a greater purpose for yourself.  You feel true meaning in your life, and now really understand what responsibility really is.  And the joy, you really feel blissful joy.  I've had plenty of really happy times in my life, my wedding my graduation etc., but nothing even approaches just the flood of joy you feel when you meet your child for the first time.  I'm not a big religious person, but that moment you know God.  

And the bond you feel with your wife...  wow.  It's all the same you feel toward your child.  Plus you throw in a touch of concern and sympathy due to the pain of giving birth.  It's an amazing thing that she did and she did it great.  Our boy is perfect, largely because of all her efforts.  I could never love her more or be more proud of her.

He arrived

I'm posting this at the time of his birth, but clearly writing it well after.  

I have to say, nothing is more profoundly life altering than watching your child being born.  I know I'm not the first or last to espouse this claim, but words just cannot describe just how miraculous it is.  The most powerful joyous emotions I have ever felt all rushed in the moment I saw that little head poking through.  The tufts of hair brought tears to my eyes.  The earnest cry for air tugged at my heart.  Stroking his face for the first time as he rested on his mother's chest nearly buckled my knees as I was so tremendously happy to meet my son for the first time.  

For anyone considering having children, do it now.  Don't wait.  You'll never be ready and never have enough money and it will never be the right time.  It will blow your mind though just how great it is.

Now 8 days over

So we're in the hospital now. The dear wife is having trouble and it's hard to see her go through it.  Labor is something I totally lucked out in not having to do in my life.   So we got here around 3am and checked in.  This after trying to get things going a few of the natural ways like walking, spicy foods etc.  The walking worked the best and got us on a good rhythm of contractions.  Then after we'd rest, things would go back to sporatic and inconsistant.

So even though contractions were ranging from 3 mins to 20 mins apart, we came in to see what we could do.  The contractions are getting harder and more consistant, but still not catching a regular schedule just yet.  Since we're now 8 days over due, we won't be getting sent home, but who knows when this child will be arriving.  I'm excited to meet him!

3 Days Over Due

If this kid was a library book, I'd owe $0.75 on him.  He's now 3 days overdue, which is average for a first child.  I've been a cool cucumber up until now, but I'm starting to be a ball of nerves anxious to get this going.  Keep your fingers crossed. 

T-Minus 5 days

So the house is almost completely re-arranged now to accommodate our soon to be coming new resident. It's pretty exciting, I can't wait for it to happen

So I’ve been busy and stuff

It’s been a long while since I’ve updated, so here’s a quick catch up as to what is going on.

• We are now at 34 weeks. It’s coming up fast. So far she’s been pretty textbook, which is great, but we’re preparing like she won’t be.
• We’ve been taking Bradley classes. They’ve been very informative. I’m not sure how natural we will be going, but it is good to get both sides of the coin.
• We are now pretty much completely out of space. This with the glider still coming. We need to either throw some things out or get some storage space somewhere. Or move, but that isn’t really an option right now.
• We had a very successful couples baby shower.  It was a ton of fun and our friends and family are all very generous people.
• I have my video camera ordered.  That’s my father’s day gift :)
• No major symptoms right now other than lots of aches and pains. 

So, I’m sure I have missed some things, but everything is progressing well.  It’s kind of weird, but as it gets closer, I tend to get both more serene and more stressed out.  Sort of a calm panic as it were.  Anyway, I am going to try to pick back up on the blogging part of our show and see if I can keep it going.  I might even take the laptop in and blog during labor, but we’ll see if I’m allowed to do that.

How can something so small take up so much space?

So even though our boy is still a while from being, he now takes up about as much space as I do. It's amazing how much stuff is useful (note, not required as pretty all we really need is food and shelter) that we have bought. It takes a village's worth of stuff to raise a kid nowadays apparently.

So we now have all the stuff we really need while leaving some things for the baby shower. We have a crib, changing table, stroller, car seat, a whole mess of clothes, and probably a million other things that I'm forgetting. So now we've been clearing out boxes and breaking them down and throwing out volumes of styrofoam. It's nuts, and we're not even close to being done as there are plenty of things we will need to get once the kid arrives.

So does anyone else find it ironic that supposedly green companies pack their stuff in styrofoam and multiple boxes? Seems kind of wasteful to me.

Warning: This post may cause injury or even death

So last night we assembled the changing table. The assembly part wasn't bad, but out of the 6 or 7 major parts, there were 4 huge stickers warning of my baby's death on them. Clearly changing a diaper can be quite the adventure. Should I not have gotten the changing table with the buzz-saw and surgical lasers?

Anyway, something that should have taken 30-45 minutes ended up being two and a half hours, most of which was removing stickers and using goo gone to remove the sticky part. Thankfully the crib does not have that kind of sticker coverage, or else that would take forever too. That is on the slate for tonight.

So now that furniture is starting to get assembled, it's still being setup in our bedroom. The nursery still has not been completely cleared out of our office stuff. We're just about out of space and our little boy hasn't even set foot in this world yet.

My brain is gonna change

I just read this little snippet about a father's brain transformation when he becomes a father. It's interesting that this happens for the guy despite not physically going through a change.

See, it's now known that both parents go through physical brain re-wirings when becoming a parent, which fascinates me. The specific changes in the man's brain is really interesting. It's more of a temporary change as the child grows. It really just reaffirms the primary goal as a parent: Make your kids strong enough to not need you anymore.

Thinking about that kind of makes me sad. I want my kids to need me forever, but I also want them to be able to stand on their own. I guess what I really want is for my kids to choose to need me, that way I get my cake and eat it too.

He's kickin' already

So the wife has been feeling movement and kicking and prodding and whatnot. We've been doing a hit and miss trying for me to feel him. I'd be sitting at the computer working and she'd call me over. I would run over and feel nothing. I'd be downstairs and she'd call, so I'd run upstairs and feel nothing. It was like he had a shy leg.

So finally yesterday I was sitting with my hand there and watching TV with the wife when I felt a slight rumble on my palm. Nope, not him, the wife is hungry. So after a while longer, I feel a definite poke ... poke. That was definitely him, and she confirmed it.

So he's clearly small and weak right now, but I figured soon he'll be bruising my wife with his kicks and punches. It's all very exciting, and just when it seems like it's the most real thing ever, it gets more real.

Movies I will make my son watch, and enjoy

So, with the Watchmen movie coming out soon, the inner nerd in me is coming up with lists of movies my son will be forced to watch with his daddy. These are my own personal favorites, and I'll also include an age I deem appropriate, at least at this point. That is subject to change depending on the kid himself as well as sometimes they're more or less impressionable than usual.

Some of these are just great movies.  Some just mean a lot to me for one reason or another.  Anyway, here's my list of movies, in no particular order:

Star Wars - The original trilogy - ASAP - If you don't know anything about Star Wars, you're my wife!  But seriously, great classic science fiction that is pretty much the basis for most people's love of sci-fi.

Fight Club - Not until young adulthood - This is my all time favorite movie.  It doesn't really teach much, but has some lessons on manhood and the like, although those messages aren't always good.

The Fisher King - Probably in the 10-12 year old range - A great and amazing story about how your actions can impact others, and giving back to those less fortunate.  Hilarious and touching all at once.

A Perfect World - Around 10-12 years old - I don't know why, but this movie reminds me of my dad.  I think it makes me cry just about every time.

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - 5 years old and above - Just about everyone should know what this is about, and the reason I would put it here.

Dumb and Dumber - 6 or 7 years old - Only one of the funniest movies everywhere.  Let's you let loose and just have fun.  And man are fart jokes never old.

The Princess Bride - 5+ years old - Fantastic story of true love.  I'm the man in black and my wife is Buttercup.

Back to the Future - 5+ years old - Great story of time travel and how confidence can change your lot in life.

Raiders of the Lost Ark - 5+ years old - Only the best adventure movie ever.  Enjoyable at any age.

Forrest Gump - 8+ years old - You can do anything with a bit of effort and gumption.  Just don't let it go to your head.

It's a boy!

Today we had our 20 week ultrasound (1 day before 20 weeks technically) and first and most importantly everything is looking healthy and normal.  10 fingers, 10 toes, all in the correct proportions.  4 chambered heart, 2 kidneys, 1 stomach, 1 bladder all look good.  The skeletal structure all looked pretty good and solid as well.  

And then we got the news that we are 99% sure we're having a boy!  Now that is exciting.  Not necessarily because it's a boy, but because we know.  The baby has now moved from "it" to "he" which is a pretty big deal with how you see things.

My wife started crying so sweetly when she found out, and it's because she could see her future flashing before her eyes.  Before everything was blurry, but now it's become clear.  I couldn't have said it better myself.  

Now we're moving to the freak out stage, or at least my wife is.  See, she's from a family of girls, so she has lived with two men in her life, me and her father.  So she has yet to live with a little boy.  She doesn't know the rules to football.  She doesn't sword fight all that well.  She has probably never cleaned as much mud off of clothes as she will with our son.  She is starting to see things in a completely new way that is scary for her.  But she does have a resident expert on hand to assist with raising this child as I don't know if I've ever left that little boy stage.

For me, this does put a little more pressure on me to teach my son some of the things every boy should know.  Thankfully I'm somewhat into cars, sports, computers, video games, and pretty much everything else a boy should know.  But he will also need to be well rounded, which I pride myself in being, but I need to figure out a good balance to at least educate him in all these things.  I'm sure I'll do just fine, especially with the wife keeping me in check.  

To close it up, we are very happy.  We can't wait for our little boy to enter the world and be a part of the family.  And telling the family is so much fun as well!

Talking to your child

So the wife and I were discussing a few things about the baby and she said something that made me pause.  She said basically that I'm going to have to talk to our child about everything, boy or girl.  

Now that may not seem so bad, but once they start growing up it becomes awkward, especially if we're having a girl.  I mean, I can talk to our boy about anything, and probably will should we have one.  But with a girl, there are certain subjects that I would naturally defer to her mother.  I think we all know what I mean, but basically anything having to do with equipment I don't have.

Now one thing my wife pointed out to me is that it estranged her a bit from her father.  So, that is definatly one things I don't want.  I want to be close to my kids, and after some thought I want them to be comfortable enough with me to talk to me about anything.  So the conclusion I came to is my wife is right.  I will need to talk to my kids about anything.  

Thankfully, I won't need to bring up every subject, I can wait for them to come to me on the really awkward ones.  Sadly, the mildly awkward ones I will need to come to them if they do not come to me.  

Can it ever be clean enough?

So, with all the moving of furniture we're doing, we're currently cleaning out everything we can. We're talking deep cleaning the carpets and all. It has been tons of work, especially moving everything around to get the floor space to clean.

Now, with this being our first child, it's pretty easy to get carried away. We're definitely disproportionally optimistic compared to realistic. We want the best for everything and we haven't really figured out that line of diminishing returns. I'm sure we'll get there, but right now we haven't figured out just how clean clean enough is.

I am personally of the notion that was are overly clean and causing ourselves harm. This is especially true if you do it at a young age. I got this philosophy from George Carlin, but you can read about the science of it here.

So, with the nausea starting to subside, we're now dealing with a beast of another nature - heartburn. And it's not just mild heartburn every now and then. This is a pretty intense and fairly common heartburn.

So we're looking for good remedies for heartburn that are safe for pregnancy. We've heard papaya enzymes work and will try those, but what other things help?

On another note, the wife thinks she felt movement yesterday. She still makes fun of me because the day before she felt movement and I got all excited and tried to see if I could feel it. But then she clarified that it wasn't baby movement she was feeling.

So I really can't wait until the baby is moving. That is going to be nuts. That is when things will hit me again on how real this endeavor is, and that's both scary and exiting all at once. In fact I even dream about feeling the baby move now. I'm normally not a bid dreamer, but I've had tons of dreams about being both an awesome father and a big time failure. I think that covers the spectrum of my desires and my fears.

We're at 18 weeks or so now, only a couple of weeks until we go in for the big ultra sound and hopefully find out the gender. Then our real preparations can begin. Not this plain old cleaning that we're doing, which isn't exciting or fun, and just work.